Wal-mart Trip

I went to Wal-mart today to get a few things for our road trip to Denver. We leave tomorrow and I wanted to get the kids some snacks and a couple of new movies. I glanced through the clearance rack and found a pair of comfy pants I thought I would like to wear on this hellish drive in which I am about to embark.
I am not sure what it is about me but for some reason I have this uncanny ability to get someone's entire life story in about 2 minutes or less. Whether I want to know the story or not people just want to tell me. I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse. No one else I know has this ability. So, while I was in the express lane (20 items or less) Jerry, the senior checker says to me. (No, I'm not lying and no I'm not kidding-you can't make this kind of thing up)

Jerry: As I was scanning your items, I noticed the size of your pants & it made me think about how I've lost 50 lbs.
Me (slightly stunned):Really? What are you doing?
Jerry:Nothing, dr.s don't know but I was 212lbs and now I'm 160lbs. They think it's just stress all my bloodwork has come back normal
Me:Well, I just moved here & have been feeling really stressed but I keep gaining weight.
Jerry:Well, some people lose weight when they're stressed and some people gain. You're built kinda like my wife & she's lost 24lbs.
Me:Wow, that's great what is she doing to lose weight?
Jerry: Nothing, really but she does get an upset stomach quite a bit & spends alot of time in the bathroom.
Then he went on to tell me how long he's lived in the Phoenix area, where he's from (kentucky-in case any of you were wondering) and how he loves the south & has visited Mississippi twice. (He noticed my accent & asked where I was from) Then to sum up again he says, "like I said, I just noticed your pants size and it made me think of it. Hope you like it here...have a nice day."
Me: You too, Jerry - I will try. Although, now Jerry has just made me want go home, watch Old Yeller and eat Blue Bell Ice cream. How am I ever going to be anorexic with comments like these from the seniors at Wal-mart? Seriously?Now, like I said I found out how long Jerry has lived in Phoenix, how much weight he AND his wife have lost (without even trying), his wife's gastro-intestinal problems, where he was from and that he has visited my home state twice all in the express line in under 2 minutes. You tell me, is it a blessing or a curse? So fo today, I'm not going to let sweet Jerry's comments bother me and I'm going to stay away from the freezer and continue to fight the fat.

Eating Disorders

Let me start this blog off with yes, we do like it here, the weather has been great, we love our new house and neighborhood..blah,blah,blah. I have met some really great girls that I am now fortunate enough to call my friends. However, some people here I feel, just don't "get" me. And, I need to be "gotten." So, this post goes out to all my peeps who have known me for a long time and appreciate my sense of humor. Because I'm finding out there are people who don't. One day, I was talking to this mom here about my eating disorder. It's a spectrum, people, ok?. There are people who don't eat at all, people who gorge themselves then puke, people who have a good balance of food in their life and people like me, who have no balance or control when it comes to food and don't have the guts to purge it out. Pun intended, by the way. Anyway, so I was explaining to this woman that some days, I think it would be great to be on the other end of the eating disorder spectrum. You know just as a jump start to my weight loss goals. "You mean, like anorexia?" She says. "Honey, straight from your mouth to God's ears." I say half jokingly. Well, apparently she did not think this was humorous at all and felt the need to give me a 2 hour dissertation on the seriousness of eating disorders. I was kiddin'. Sort of. See, some people just don't get me.
**As a disclaimer, I know eating disorders are very serious and deadly and in no way, shape or form endorse anyone wanting or having such a disorder. (Except me)

HCG Day 5

Another one bites the dust...one more pound gone. I feel like I could be on the biggest loser. I might have a double digit week. I've never had a double digit week before. I thoght today, I would write about stress. I think stress is a big part of why I have gained back most of the weight I lost while I was working out with Korbie and Miranda. (Korbie-the biggest man (bodybuilder) I've ever seen and Miranda, his 5 foot 1 girlfriend with the body built like a brick shit-house and the one woman I've considered possibly turning lesbian for. I lost 70 lbs while working out with them and really never felt better. But have put most of the weight back on since last July. That is when all the stress began. Last July, I tore my achilles tendon while exercising which put me out of commission for 8 weeks. In September, went back to Mississippi because my grandfather was very ill and put on hospice. Came back from that trip to find out my husband was offered a job in Phoenix and that we were moving. He moved 2 weeks later, I was home putting the house up for sale, managing the kids, buying a home in AZ, etc. Then our 13 yr old Lab had to be put down, we moved 5 days before Christmas, my grandfather passed away, we became victims of identity theft, ran over the cactus next to our driveway (twice) had to replace 2 tires, (who the hell puts 3 barrel cactuses right next to the drivesay?)kitchen faucet broke, etc, etc. I realize my problems are NOTHING compared to what some people endure. In fact, I'd be willing to bet most people would love to have our "problems." I get it. Believe me. But it is stress, none the less. So, stress and the fact that I've eaten at every drive-thru in the east valley. But WWWWHHHYYYYY? I want to know why? I'm just so mad. I want to hit something. (Anyone, anyone? know that movie?) So while, I figure out the WHY I did this to myself, today, I'm going to fight the fat.

HCG Day 4

Day 4 --Down another 2 lbs which I think makes a total of 8lbs for the first four days. I needed a to see some results since I am about ready to eat the ass off of a dead rhinoceros. I was feeling pretty hungry yesterday and the only thing on tv was commericals about food. Papa Johns pizza, chili's and their 3 course meal for $20, and that damn Olive Garden commercial with all those breadsticks dipped in alfredo sauce. It's all I can think about. Why is it when I am not on a diet, I don't pay attention to those commercials but the second I feel deprived...BAM, all I can think about is taking a bath in alfredo sauce. Literally, I dream of filling my tub with all that creamy, buttery goodness and lying in it. (Of course, my hair has to be put up in a bun or shower cap because THAT would just be gross.) With a basket full of those breadsticks glazed with butter and sprinkled with garlic. I have to stop now because since there are no rhinoceros' in my area; I may just start gnawing on my foot. Well, it would probably have to be my arm because honestly I don't think I can actually get my foot to my mouth. Plus, I just had a pedicure and I wouldn't want to mess that up. What good is a pedicure going to do me if I end up losing a foot to di-a-bee-tus? So, today I will continue to fight the fat.

HCG Day 3

Can I get a woop-woop? Down another pound this morning. You know how "they" say people who have a weight problem are really sad and masking their feelings? They say that us fatties are walking around carrying alot of emotional baggage that has never been dealt with. Ok, so that may be true for some but I am not sure I fit in that category. I'm not aware that I have feelings of being unwanted, not good enough or feeling inadequate. Nothing tragic ever happened to me when I was little that has caused me to suppress my feelings with cookies and pie. What if I just love to eat cookies and pie? Ok, really my weakness is anything salty and loaded with carbs like chips, potatoes and bread but I've never been one to shy away from a cookie or a pie either. Hence, when I step on a scale my weight begins with a two. My family dynamic closely mirrors that of a number of shows set back in the 50's where the dad went to work, the mom stayed home, kids were involved in all sorts of activities. Yep, that was us. My parents have been happily married for 40 years and they still really like each other. There was no drama in our household. Unless you count the times that my overly-sensitive, high-strung sister and I would go to blows over who knows what and usually ended with an egg cracked over my head or hitting my broken, already-in-a-cast arm with my brother's aluminum baseball bat. But that's just sibling rivalry that exists in every home. Plus, I have done the "work" and totally forgiven her of all her wrong-doings. Then, I grew up married the best guy, gave birth to two beautiful, healthy children and get to stay at home with them which is exactly what I always dreamed of doing. So, if I've gotten everything I ever wanted then where are these suppressed feelings I supposedly have? Because I've always said I have more issues than Playboy. But I guess I don't know what those issues are. So, while I try to figure it out I'm going to keep on fighting the fat.

Butter Body

Have you ever heard the saying...Butter Face? I've heard men say something like "yeah, she's a butter face...everything looks good "but her face." Well, I've decided that I am a butter body. Maybe when men look at me they might say..."yeah, that Kelli, she's great...oh, but her body." This may sound a little conceited and narcissitic but I don't think I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. My face didn't catch on fire and have to put out with a golf shoe. I mean, I do have symmetrical features except for the one crazy eye that only shows up in photographs and pretty decent hair and teeth. You see, my issues come into play from about the chin down. Or should I say chins, down. Yes, there are multiple. In fact I believe I have more chins than a Chinese phone book. So which is better? I think it's pretty hard to change a butter face, I mean, you can but then you have to get surgeons and anesthesiologists involved and I hear it can cost a pretty penny. So, I think it's better to be a butter body or at least that is what I am going to keep telling myself while I fight the fat.

HCG Day 2

I survived the firt day of what I am going to call Hunger Hell. I got on the scale ths morning and lost 5 lbs so I guess the throbbing, gnawing pain that is residing in my head is all worth it. Right? After my mini success on the scale I stumbled to the kitchen to inject myself with my preggo hormone and then on to make breakfasts, lunches for hubby and kid and get them out the door. I almost forgot I was on this God-forsaken diet and almost shoved a few bbq flavored potato chips in my mouth but decided against it. I did find myself daydreaming yesterday of the euphoric time I had the previous two days when I was on my food binge and found myself regretting that I did not completely gorge myself like the way I should have. Why didn't I stop at Krispy Kreme for a luscious glazed melt-in-your-mouth do-nut? Or stop by In-N-Out for a juicy burger with all that special sauce? Or drive-thru McDonalds for a sack-o-fries and an apple pie? Sure, I went to Cheesecake factory and had a 1/2 loaf of bread & butter, fried zucchini dipped in ranch, a crab-cake sandwich w/ fries and few bites of a kahlua cheesecake. And, yes, it was all very tasty but surely I could have eaten more. We (April & I) had a plan of attack. We knew right where the diabetic supply store was located (since we passed it on our way to our first gorge-fest.) I mean, you never know when you might need to run in and get some glucose test strips and little insulin injection. I could just hear Greg asking us what we did today and us saying, "Ah, not much just shopped a little, went to Tiffany's, Dillard's, had some lunch at Cheesecake Factory & made a quick trip to Diabetics-R-Us for a few supplies." On a side note do you say Diabetes (Di-a-beet-eez) or Diabetes (Di-uh-bee-tus)? On the commercial for Liberty Medical, Wilford Brimley says Di-uh-bee-tus and it seems alot of seniors say it that way so I was just wondering. I just don't want to mispronounce the disease that is probably in my future if I don't get a grip and fight the fat.

HCG Day 1 Cont

So, I woke up this morning knowing what had to be done. I had to get on the scale. My two days of over-indulging were over (who are we kidding, I didn't get to looking the way I look now by just two days of over-indulging) My love for food goes back a long way. When I was little (I grew up in the south) my grandfather would take the 3 of us kids to the curb store and ask the clerk behind the counter for 3 brown bags then gave them to us to fill with whatever we wanted. Up and down the candy aisle I would go filling my sack with kit-kats, twix, snickers, big league bubble gum, reese's peanut butter cups, whatchamacallit's, rolo's and whatever else fancied me. It was like Halloween on crack. Childhood obesity wasn't an issue back then. In fact, I was super skinny and my family said they thought I looked like an Ethopian child. (God, those were some good days.) My grandparents were always trying to get me to eat. Sure, we had vegetables with our meals but they were all cooked in bacon grease and cooked for so long there was no trace of any nutrients left. I think I was 12 years old before I learned gravy wasn't a beverage. But I never had a weight problem as a child although that is where I formed my eating habits. Nope, my issue with weight started after high school. Although I don't think I have ever had a healthy body image even when I was skinny. Now I look at pictures and think "gosh, if only I could be such-n-such weight I would be so happy. So in my quest to fight the fat, I got on the scale...2?? lbs (gasp in horror) I followed my VLC (very low calorie) diet all day. I had an apple for breakfast, 1 slice of melba toast & 1 orange for snack and 100 grams of shrimp over a bed of lettuce with Wishbone spray dressing for lunch. It was the most un-satisfying meal I believe I've ever had. For dinner I get to have 100 grams of hamburger over 1 cup of spinach. Yay me!

HCG Day 1

My BFF, April was in town visiting me over the weekend and really helped me through my 2 days of gorging myself. Really, it is a huge success already because I did not go into cardiac arrest or a diabetic coma. So, officially I have started the very low calorie portion of the diet today. Let me back up...the diet consists of 2 days of gorging then 3 weeks of a very low calorie diet all the while injecting myself with 125 units of HCG directly into the fat of my stomach. I have a little brown bag in the fridge with 21 syringes inside and yes, I am aware I must look like a heroin addict. Let me also just say when it calls for a "very low calorie" diet; they ain't lyin. We are talking 500 calories a day. That is it. I can consume 500 calories by just one stop at Starbucks. Now, they are telling me I have to spread that out over the entire day. Holiday-who-be-whaty?. Now you may be thinking who the hell would do this to themselves? I know it is ridiculous. I have those same thoughts...the skepticism, the doubt, the who knows what I am injecting into my body but all of that is outweighed by the hope that exists inside me that one day I may actually reach my ideal weight. Now, I may have to be on the HCG for 2 more years to do that but that is something I might be willing to do. Although I am only on day one. Nevermind that, I will revisit that when/if the time comes. For now, I'm going to keep on fighting the fat.

Fight the Fat

I have decided once again to try and lose weight. I know what you're thinking because it is the same thing the voice inside my head is saying. My inner voice says, "Bitch, please...haven't we done this enough already? What are you going to put me through next?" (My inner voice is kinda mean) Well, since I've done Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Atkins, South Beach, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Beverly Hills Fruit Diet, worked out with a personal trainer and tried to be bullemic (I've got the whole binge part down but just can't bring myself to purge)it seems like the next thing I should do is the newest fad...the HCG diet. What is the HCG diet you may ask? Well, basically, it is a natural hormone that is secreted during pregnancy to ensure nutrition is present for the fetus to grow. During times of starvation or very low calorie diets, when the body has HCG flowing within it, the body mobilizes the abnormal deposits of fat for nutrition which makes you lose weight. I thought if I keep an online journal it will 1. help me stay motivated and 2. keep me and the one person who might actually read this...entertained. (Thanks, April)
I am not a blogger and have never really even read a blog before. This will be a first for me. If you are looking for a blog that is deep in thought or thought provoking then you might want to skip ahead because this is not that kind. This is just one fat girls quest to fight the fat.

The HCG begins with 2 days of "loading." The best part of the entire diet. Loading is a nice way of saying "gorge yourself." In fact in the directions given by the doctor it says for breakfast to have a cream cheese bagel with bacon and sausage and a ham and cheese omelet then stop by your favorite dough-nut shop for a mid morning snack. Then for lunch it's off to your favorite fast food restaurant. Ice cream, oreos, butter with bread, cheesecake, alfredo pasta and the list goes on and on. In my head, I'm singing "Heaven, I'm in heaven." Honestly it sounds like the 2 best days of my life. Oh, the 2 best days of my life was the day I married my husband & when my children were born. But really, that is 3 days and to be honest these 2 days of loading might out-rank those other 3 days. I'm just sayin... I love food, ok? Don't judge.