Now, that's embarrassing

I keep thinking about yesterday's post. I keep thinking that I should be embarrassed by the fact that everyone now knows I started my menstrual flow and tht I need a tampon the size of a submarine torpedo missile. But really I'm not embarrassed about that. Is it weird that I don't get embarrassed that easily? I mean, I do get embarrassed if I trip when I'm out in public (which happens quite a bit-weird, I know) I could just be walking along somewhere like at the gym and not the gym that all-business Brenda owns (although I have tripped there too) But at the regular gym. The gym that I don't belong to. The gym that I don't pay any monthly dues at. The gym that I sometimes just show up to and say I'm a guest of so and so and they let me right on in to go take a spinning class. Yes, that gym. (Don't judge!) I tripped at that gym the other day as I was leaving and a group of high-school or college kids were walking through the door as I was leaving and I tripped...on NOTHING. That's right, I said I tripped on nothing. It was just that I didn't pick my feet up. I was likely just shuffling along because I was tired from said spinning class and was too lazy and tired to actually pick my feet up. Then I felt like a jack-ass because all the kids were staring at me and I just pretended to look down to try and find out what I tripped on...was it a rug? Nope. was it a rock that somehow got tracked in from someone's shoe? Nope. It was just the rubber sole of my shoe against the slick tile floor. At that moment, all I could think about was that Ellen DeGeneres stand-up routine when she talks about people who trip on nothing and then suddenly start jogging like they meant to start jogging at that exact moment then they get about 5 feet down the sidewalk and stop jogging and say, things like "and I'm jogging and now I'm good." Did you see that stand-up routine? If not, you should. It's really funny. But see, I'm not that quick. I didn't act like I was jogging right out of the gym. Not that I would have been fooling anyone. No, instead I just looked like a jack-ass that just tripped on nothing and there's no way to hide from it or to recover. So, instead I just let these punk-ass kids laugh at me and I laugh too because I'm sure it was really funny. I was also once humped by a dog. (not by choice) but that's another story for another time and that, my friends, was very embarrassing.