Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Triceps
I forgot to mention in my last post but during yesterday's beatings, all-business Brenda had me do 170 tricep pull downs. That's right -that's what I said...170. Four sets - 50 reps for the first and second set, followed by 40 reps on the third set and 30 reps on the fourth set and sprinting in between each set. Let's just say it hurts to even type. I bet you didn't know you even use your tricep muscles to type. But apparently you do because every part of my jiggly, flappin' in the wind, arms hurt. Hurt bad. Just keepin' it real while I fight my fat. Moral of the story: Don't get fat. It hurts too much.
Lie Detector Test
Now, I get that I can be a head case. I have issues. More issues than Playboy. I get it. I'm blaming middle child syndrome. I'm a pleaser. I like for everyone to get along - don't like confrontations and I want people to like me. Alot. When people say, "oh, Kelli, you're blog is so funny -ha,ha,ha, ho,ho,ho -it makes me want to keep writing. See, I like positive affirmation. I live for positive affirmation. I'm needy like that.
Well, remember in yesterday's post I told you that I thought all-business Brenda was proud of my progress? Well, scratch that statement. Forget I ever said that. Delete. Eehhnn- wrong. Try again. I got a call from all-business Brenda this morning and this is the bomb she dropped on me. She said she had been studying our pictures from the 1st four weeks and our 2nd four weeks, and she did not see much of a difference in my photos. Actually, she said, "I really need to get out a magnifying glass to see any of your changes. Then, I looked at Rose's pictures and oh, I see a big difference in her photos." I felt like she stabbed me in the heart with one of her stilletto heels. I was devastated. Dejected. A wounded puppy. My spirit - deflated - just like that. I wanted to hang up the phone and go watch 'Ol Yeller and wallow in my tears. Because you see, I'm a pleaser. All I really want besides losing 1000 pounds over the next 8 weeks is to make all-business Brenda proud.
Then she said that if she did not see enough changes in me over the next four weeks then she was going to...get this... make me take a lie detector test. Yes, that's right - that is exactly what she said. I can't make up this stuff. And you thought "all-business Brenda" was just a silly nickname. Think again, my friends. Think again.
So now, am I not only not good enough, I am apparently a liar too. I keep a journal of all the food I inhale and I even confessed to her when I ate the dad-gum cheetos. But that is not good enough either. See, I told you she likes Rosemarie better.
I told her I was confused because after the weigh-in the other day she said, "you are doing phenomenal." Those were her words. Not mine. Phenomenal. Suddenly, a few days later, 30 pounds is not so phenomenal. Now, besides the pressure of the biggest loser competition, now I have the looming pressure of a lie detector test. But to that - I say, HA! Bring on the electrodes and blood pressure cuff -I have nothing to hide! Although I am worried about one thing...I sweat like a fat girl who just wrote her 1st love letter...does that affect the outcome of the test? But all-business Brenda and all of her other clients can attest to my sweatiness. It's kinda crazy. When I leave after a workout, I look like I've just been hosed down for a wet t-shirt contest. That is why I've learned not to wear white to my workouts. I have to kick up the fighting of the fat. I'm not really sure what else I can do -I'm following the program to a tee. (minus the slight mishap with a few cheetos) But apparently I need to take it to a whole new level. Game on! Fat-Beware!
Well, remember in yesterday's post I told you that I thought all-business Brenda was proud of my progress? Well, scratch that statement. Forget I ever said that. Delete. Eehhnn- wrong. Try again. I got a call from all-business Brenda this morning and this is the bomb she dropped on me. She said she had been studying our pictures from the 1st four weeks and our 2nd four weeks, and she did not see much of a difference in my photos. Actually, she said, "I really need to get out a magnifying glass to see any of your changes. Then, I looked at Rose's pictures and oh, I see a big difference in her photos." I felt like she stabbed me in the heart with one of her stilletto heels. I was devastated. Dejected. A wounded puppy. My spirit - deflated - just like that. I wanted to hang up the phone and go watch 'Ol Yeller and wallow in my tears. Because you see, I'm a pleaser. All I really want besides losing 1000 pounds over the next 8 weeks is to make all-business Brenda proud.
Then she said that if she did not see enough changes in me over the next four weeks then she was going to...get this... make me take a lie detector test. Yes, that's right - that is exactly what she said. I can't make up this stuff. And you thought "all-business Brenda" was just a silly nickname. Think again, my friends. Think again.
So now, am I not only not good enough, I am apparently a liar too. I keep a journal of all the food I inhale and I even confessed to her when I ate the dad-gum cheetos. But that is not good enough either. See, I told you she likes Rosemarie better.
I told her I was confused because after the weigh-in the other day she said, "you are doing phenomenal." Those were her words. Not mine. Phenomenal. Suddenly, a few days later, 30 pounds is not so phenomenal. Now, besides the pressure of the biggest loser competition, now I have the looming pressure of a lie detector test. But to that - I say, HA! Bring on the electrodes and blood pressure cuff -I have nothing to hide! Although I am worried about one thing...I sweat like a fat girl who just wrote her 1st love letter...does that affect the outcome of the test? But all-business Brenda and all of her other clients can attest to my sweatiness. It's kinda crazy. When I leave after a workout, I look like I've just been hosed down for a wet t-shirt contest. That is why I've learned not to wear white to my workouts. I have to kick up the fighting of the fat. I'm not really sure what else I can do -I'm following the program to a tee. (minus the slight mishap with a few cheetos) But apparently I need to take it to a whole new level. Game on! Fat-Beware!
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