You know you're fat when...

I know it's been a while since I blogged but have had a crazy month. Went to Denver for 2 weeks and by the way, went off and left the HCG shots in the fridge. So, I screwed that up and to make me feel better about messing up the diet I ate Caramel Bugles and Chick-fil-A and said f*&$ it all while I'm on vacation. Have you tried Caramel Bugles yet, well don't because it is heaven in a bag. The perfect blend of sweet and salty. Who knew a triangle could hold so much goodness? I sure did not!

I went to the mall a while back and while walking (at a decent pace, so I thought) I sensed someone behind me tailgating. I glanced back and it was a man and woman "mall-walking." You know the type: elderly, heavy set, dark socks, ugly SAS brand shoes, and the dead give-away that you're a mall-walker: the fanny pack. Anyway, Grandma & Grandpa Moses were totally riding my ass so I sped up thinking I could put a little distance between us but no they sped right up to. Well, I could not keep up that pace as I was sure I was going to get a side stitch. I conceded my defeat and let them pass. I was going to say, "back off a bit, why don't ya" but couldn't get enough oxygen to my brain to form the words. The worst part about it was that Grandpa had a cane and a limp. That, my friends, is a dead give-away that you're fat. Seriously, I'm afraid if I walk backwards...my ass is going to start beeping. So, it's time to get back on the "fight the fat" train. TOOT! TOOT!